First Woman Doctor in Britain Was A... Man?

Did that title confuse you a little? Hopefully it got your attention!
Dr. James Barry, a British physician was a man of great renown. Known for his ill temper and great medical expertise, the man who had become Inspector General of Military Hospitals kept a sensitive secret throughout his medical career. This secret would not become exposed until after his death and burial, something that he had tried to prevent from happening even then.

Margaret Ann Bulkley was born in County Cork, Ireland in the 1790's. After her father, Jeremiah Bulkley, a greengrocer, was arrested for debt, Margaret and her mother turned to James Barry, Margaret's maternal uncle, for support. James Barry, a well known artist, was a liberal and forward thinker for his time. He was a member of a set who strongly advocated women's rights and education. After his Barry's death he left a large amount of money to Margaret and her mother, while his group of friends gladly took them under their care and support.

The Bulkley women moved to London where Margaret began taking lessons from Edward Fryer, a physician. Margaret was a quite capable student, and before long a rather elaborate and ambitious plan began to take shape. It was decided that Margaret would decide herself as a young man and enter university to train as a doctor, as women were not permitted to study at the university.

In 1809 the new and "resurrected" James Barry sailed from London to Edinburgh with Mrs. Buckley to establish themselves as aunt and nephew. Margaret Ann Bulkley was no longer. Margaret/James enrolled at the university as a medical student and the mother and daughter were soon well established in the area as aunt and nephew.

Thanks to an overcoat to disguise her figure and a tweak to her age to explain her higher voice and smooth chin, Margaret, now James, flew through medical school and three years later returned to London as an apprentice surgeon for six months at St. Thomas' Hospital.

In 1813 Margaret joined the army, and three years later was posted to Cape of Good Hope in South Africa. While in South Africa she hired a black manservant who would serve her for half a century, during which he would lay out six towels every day for her to use to broaden her shoulders and hide her curves.

Dr. Barry was known to be a bit of a "prickly" character, highly defensive of his honor, and very outspoken about his beliefs. When one realizes that Dr. Barry was actually a woman, I feel that you gain a better understanding as to why "he" behaved the way he did.

Apart from Barry's personality, Dr. James Barry became a surgeon of great acclaim, being the first surgeon to successfully compete a Cesarean section in Africa, saving the life of both mother and child. Barry ardently fought for proper hygiene practices, radically changed the treatment of leprosy and tropical diseases, and raged against poor medical treatment.

Although Barry's personal life and behavior had many flaws, the medical achievements reached by Dr. James Barry, a woman, were amazing for anyone of that time period. Even though she had to live her life as a man, her achievements show that, given the chance, women were just as capable as men.

While Margaret did not become the first female doctor in Britain as a woman, but as a man, she was still the first female doctor in Britain.

Article-A Man's Perspective on Modesty and Boys Will Be Boys

I was just Facebook stalking one of my cousin's Facebook pages. I was realizing I haven't seen her very much the last few years and hadn't seen many things from her lately on Facebook. While I was looking over the last few months of her posts I found this article, A Man's Perspective on Modesty. I was interested on what it said, and it seemed like it came out about the same time that all of that hullabaloo was going around the internet about whether or not to wear yoga pants. So I clicked on it and read it. It is definitely from a college aged guy, so his analogies are a bit, well college aged guy like, but I love what he has to say. It is what I tend to say.

I don't want to get into the whole modesty issue right now, as far as what is and isn't modest, whether you should or shouldn't dress modestly. Whenever the issue comes up, whatever side you are on, I tend to find myself most passionate about what is said about men in the whole discussion. So often men are made out to be these uncontrollable creatures who are unable to contain themselves. They are almost somehow subhuman in that they are not able to control their urges and desires. This sometimes morphs into the "boys will be boys" statement that we hear. It goes something like this, "well you can't blame him, boys will be boys" or, "What did you expect, boys will be boys." It is as though anything a male does that is harmful towards women could and should just be waved away, because after all, boys will be boys.

While this mindset is not used in every case, in every location, all the time, it is an idea that is perpetuated even today. Yes, boys will be boys, but that is not an excuse or a pass for dangerous, illegal, or harmful behavior. We first start using this excuse/reasoning when they are young. Two boys wrestle, fight, etc. Well, boys will be boys. A little boy brings frogs, rocks, etc. into the house, while he, himself is covered in dirt. Boys will be boys. A little boy punches another child for taking his toys. Boys will be boys. While some of these instances are definitely not harmful and the saying is something to laugh about because it is true, others are not. I just found a great post about a mom with a son who hears this phrase and her reaction to it. Boys Will Be Boys.

Like the image says, "boys will be boys, ....doesn't have to mean raising a little cave man."

Powerful- What Does it Mean?

As I search for the next woman to highlight, either from Australia or South America, I run various Google searches hoping to stumble upon the right woman to feature next. I usually start out with a search of powerful women from that continent. Guess what sort of links pop up when I run this search? See for yourself. Someone who is powerful is someone who has influence in the business world. Someone who has money, or influence over those with money. While some of these women most definitely are wonderful role models, women who are powerful, self confident, and able, not all of them are. Some are not great role models, and definitely not the kind of woman I want to feature.

For whatever reasons, this is the type of women who are considered to be the most powerful. Like I have said before, this is not necessarily the type of woman I am looking for. 

So, I saw this post that my younger sister shared on Facebook recently.. I think a year ago, or maybe even a few months ago part of me probably would have liked this. Now, however, it kind of irritates me. To me it just perpetuates this culture of a woman not being able to tell a man no. Think about it, why should a female, of any age, who is being harassed/followed, whatever by a guy, have to find an excuse to remove herself from him? Why can't she just tell him no, ask him to leave her alone, tell him she's not interested, etc. If someone or something is making you feel uncomfortable, leave. Extract yourself from the situation. (Now I want to clarify that I am not talking about situations that are growth opportunities. Just because speaking in public makes you uncomfortable, doesn't mean you should just run away from every opportunity to speak in public.) I'm talking about that uncomfortable feeling you get when something is wrong, or bad, when a situation is making you feel that discomfort in a very negative way.

Guess what, YOU can tell people no. You can tell that creepy guy that you aren't interested. You can tell that guy no, you won't give him your phone number. You don't have to give him your number, or a fake number. I have told guys no when they ask for my number. You know why? It is MY phone, I pay for it and it is something personal that I do not just hand out to anyone who asks.

We live in a culture that tells us, especially women it seems like, two different things when it comes to situations like this. A. It isn't polite to tell someone no. Or to ask them to leave you alone. "Nice" people always tell others yes. B. You, as a woman, might be in danger if you tell a man no, refuse to give him your number, etc. Therefore, it is YOUR job to appease this dangerous man, lie to him, give him a fake number, etc. to keep yourself safe. Apparently men cannot be trusted to behave like a mature adult if a woman refuses them. "Try harder" is what a man who is turned down is hold, or so we are told.

Somehow  it all becomes the woman's responsibility to protect herself from these "out of control" men. First, while i do not doubt that there are some men who will react negatively when told no, I will not give you my number,etc. I have never come across one. I've come across men who do not treat women the way the deserve, but when I have told a guy I am not comfortable giving out my number they are completely understanding. Second, why is it that it is becoming the responsibility of a woman to make sure that the man she is interacting with does not harm her or flip out on her because she said no? If this is a real issue, then shouldn't our boys be brought up to accept no for an answer? To not pursue a girl so much that she feels she has to fake being friends with someone just to get away from him? Shouldn't she be able to politely tell him that she appreciates his interest, but she is not interested? Shouldn't she be able to do that and not fear retribution?

*ETA* I also shared this post on my other blog, New Beginnings.

So Why Don't You Just Say NO?

Why do so many of us think it is a "bad" thing to tell someone else no? And why do so many people have such a hard time telling others NO?

Picture this. A friend, colleague, coworker, family member, etc. comes and asks you for a favor. It's something that you could do if you rearranged your schedule, dropped something previously planned, etc. How many people do you know that would tell this person "yes", and inconvenience themselves, just because they don't want to say no?

A lot of people seem to have this huge problem telling others no. In my experience women more than men have this problem. Whether it be a big thing, or a little thing, telling someone no is just not something that they do. Others may be able to say no to the big things, but not the little things, or vice versa.

I love the movie 27 Dresses, my friends like to joke that I am "that girl from 27 Dresses". Mostly because I have been a bridesmaid six times. One of my favorite scenes is the one in this clip.

How many of you can relate to her personally, or because you have a friend, family member, etc. like that, someone who just can't tell anyone else no?

Believe me, I am definitely not immune from this. I have certain things that for some reason I just cannot say no to. 

Imagine this. A group of your friends are going out to dinner. You are invited to go along with them. You like all of them, you like food, etc. but you just aren't quite in the mood, for whatever reason. How many of us just say yes and go anyways? Sometimes it all turns out just fine and dandy, you wind up having a great time, enjoy the food and company, etc. However, that is not always the case. Sometimes you wind up wishing you had just said no and stayed home, or done something on your own, but feeling like it would have been rude to turn down the invitation and say NO. 

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, it is okay to say no thanks, I won't be joining you this time. And you know what? Everyone will be fine. There probably will not be some gaping hole in their night because you said no. Not trying to make anyone feel unimportant, but if a group of several people are already getting together, one person not being there is not going to leave them without anything to do or talk about. Any if you are anything like I can be when I just need alone time, they might even enjoy the evening more without your antisocial mood hanging over the evening.

With that being said, why would it be rude to turn down that invitation? Frankly, I don't see how it is. You have the right to say no. You also do not have to explain to someone why you said no. If your answer is no, you have the right to say that and not feel like you have to give someone a reason or explanation as to why you are saying no. 

I have been wondering why we have this belief/mindset that saying no is rude or unacceptable. I have two different trains of thought on this. The first one stems from the fact that most of us growing up are taught not to tell our parents or other adults no. Growing up if an adult asks you to do something, you are supposed to do it, and telling no is not allowed. You parents ask you to do something, and you're supposed to do it, no refusing allowed. Sure, most people go through a rebellious stage sometime during their youth where they do say no and refuse, but maybe that early training sticks with them keeping them in the mindset of saying no is not acceptable as they get older. 

I don't know if that's true or not, but it seems like a possible explanation to me.

My second train of thought actually stems from a book about introverts and introversion I read. The author discusses how we are living an era of personality. In the present world most people judge people and base the worth of others based off of their personality, how they come off to others. Prior to this was an era of character. People were judged based on their character, who they really were, not who they seemed to be. So, if we today, are assessing people based on their personality, then someone who says no to people, invitations, etc. they may come off as a killjoy, a wet blanket, etc. They may be seen as not being as fun or flexible as someone else thinks they should be, giving the idea of saying no a bad rap.

Once again, this is just another thought of why we may be anti no in our culture today. 

*ETA* I also shared this post on my other blog. New Beginnings.

That Just Means He Likes You!

Have you ever heard a little girl, after complaining that a little boy has been mean to her, be told "That just mean that he likes you!" You probably, at one point in your life, have either been told that yourself (if you're a girl), told a little girl that, or heard someone say it. I was told that myself when I was around third grade. The younger brother of my brother's friend was constantly teasing me on the bus. Now I don't remember what he said to me, but I remember being that age and incredibly sensitive, and doing my best to not cry on the bus. After telling someone about how he teased me, I was told the proverbial, "That means he likes you!"

 Fast forward to this past year, my friend's little girl, about the same age as I was, told her mom and I that a boy was teasing her, and before I could even stop myself I heard, "That just means he likes you!" slip right out of my mouth. I don't think I even thought about what I was saying, it was just what was said in those situations. But as soon as the words came out my brain just started going, "What on Earth is that nonsense? A boy is mean to you, and that means he LIKES you?? Really." Her mom must have had the same thought because she started in on the statement, expressing what my mind was saying to me.

In Anne of Green Gables Gilbert pulls Anne hair, generally torments her while they are growing up and later tells her he did it because he liked her. Society accepts.

Now, I don't where this general idea came from, that boys are mean to girls because they like them, or the idea that it is acceptable. As adolescents, it is expected that boys are going to tease, harass, bully, etc. the girls they like, but then they are suddenly supposed to grow up and that is all going to change? How is anyone, male or female supposed to change the mindset that they have had their whole life? That instead of treating someone who you supposedly like with disdain and violence, you are now supposed to treat someone you like with softness and love. It just doesn't work like that.

How can we expect normal, healthy relationships to develop when this is what has become socially acceptable? How can we expect young men to grow up to treat women with respect when their whole life they are not reprimanded for treating girls with disrespect and disdain? How can we expect young women to walk away from abusive relationships or never enter into one when their whole life they are taught that "That just means he likes you!" whenever they are hurt, physically, verbally, or emotionally by a boy.